An ode to all mothers-wannabes

I never thought much about motherhood.  To me, it is something that would come naturally when the time is ripe.  But never in my wildest dream did I realise that it could be hard.

And this is not just about me but for all those whom I have known in my IVF journey.  I have come across many women of steel.  How we continue to protect our dreams of having children despite the challenges and repeated bad news that come our way. It is as if our dreams are built on sand and the waves would just keep coming to wash them away. 

And some of us have it harder; to have succeeded and lost.  When that happens, all we can do is to accept the brutality and move on. For me, my bad news came on my birthday and I will never see my birthday in the same light again.  It is a process that you sincerely and deeply wish that it would never happen to anyone else. 

You will never know why but we must continue to put our faith in God's plan.  And we will continue to muster every bit of our body to believe that it is for the best of us.  And we know that we must not to lose hope, because it is all that we have. 

Every day, I pray for strength, I pray for faith and I pray for hope. We must continue to rebuild our sandcastles.  Maybe one day, we could bring our kids to build the real sandcastles at the beach.  Until then, we just have to find the joy of building our sandcastles on our own.