15dp3dt: The Waiting Game and the Superheroes in my life

Last night, the cramping got worse and I was bleeding more.  I actually stained my liner and my shorts in less than 3 hours.  We decided to go the A&E for additional support.

We were told that at this point, there was nothing we could do.  No additional support will help.  Low HCG levels usually indicate that the embryo is not growing well.  The body automatically would remove the weaker link, similar to the theory of the survival of the fittest.  If so, the embryo will just flow out of the body, without any pain to me.  This is a very strong possibility.

There is a small glimmer of hope that my embryo will continue to grow, survive through the clots of strawberry jam that is so common now.  All I can do is pray and God has given me a peace of mind.  I didn't cry, perhaps not yet.  Sometimes, I am worried that I am too calm.  But I am a fighter and I hope my baby is also a fighter.  In fact, I hope he is a better and stronger fighter than me.  My baby is a superman egg.  He will be able to overcome the odds and cling tightly on to me. 

Throughout this difficult 2 weeks, there are a lot of superheroes who have helped me and I would like to convey my deepest appreciation:

• My daddy - who will spend time every day to read relevant verses in the bible and conduct family prayer sessions.  He also lends me his car to facilitate my doctor's appointments and in turn, he sacrifices his comfortable ride and takes the public transport.

• My mommy - who wakes up at 5am to prepare my daily tonics of black chicken soup and my meals.  I was treated like a queen.  She took time away from work (which meant a drop in her daily income), accompanied to almost all of my doctor's visits and refuses to let me do any housework.  I wasn't allowed to wash the dishes or pack my bed.  All I did was to rest in bed

• My hubby - who never once made me feel inadequate.  I never sense the stress from him.  He was just quietly and patiently by my side.  He is one who never spends foolishly but he sent me straight to the most expensive A&E last night and had no qualms about the possibility of spending close to $1,000 just to hear a IVF specialist advice on how to stop the incessant bleeding.

• My colleagues and boss - who have given me their best empathy for my situation and allowed me to rest with a complete peace of mind.  They have held the fort on my behalf and I can't wait to go back to the team.

• My brother - who tries to comfort me in his own odd ways.  He definitely tries to make me laugh and always wants to be updated on my latest development.

• My best buddies - who would always be available on whatapps and to comfort me and be with me every step of this journey.  If not for the constant messages and yakking, my days would have gotten a lot harder. 

• My TCM doctor - who has entertained my incessant calls and emails and provided whatever help and advice.  She doesn't sugar coat the reality, yet has a way of making you feel assured.

• My friends -  those who keep me in their thoughts, prayed for me, comforted me, asked about my progress. Friends on the forum who were matching side by side with me, always ready to help one another to make this road so much easier for me.

• And the last and most important person, God - Many will know that you experience a lot of intense emotions and feelings during this period.  It can be difficult to share your inner thoughts and fears with your loved ones.  Because you really want to be strong in front of them, so that it is easier for them too.  I really knocked on his doors countless times each day.  And he has been there for me, giving me peace, giving me renewed faith, giving me strength, giving me a miracle yesterday.  And I await another miracle from him again tomorrow.

 No matter what is the outcome, all of us have done our best.