Yesterday we went to see the doc and he confirmed that with no increase in the HCG level, the baby has stopped growing. So the result is considered as a BFP but it is also a failed pregnancy. In my case, the quality of embryo is likely to be not good, resulting in the lack of growth.
Unconvinced as there is still HCG level in my blood, I asked if the baby would rest today and continue to grow tomorrow. Doc said it was impossible. Baby cells have to grow and multiply every minute, every hour and every day. He advised to stop the progesterone support and allow the strawberry monster to come.
So that is really the end of this IVF journey. On hindsight, God had given me a long runway to prepare myself mentally for the outcome. In fact, the constant cycle of seeing new strawberry surprises, the effort to calm my emotions and regain my foothold had taken a toil on me. Yes, I remained hopeful til the very last minute. But in some ways, I am glad to have closure on this. It is not an outcome that I would prefer, but I am also partially relieved to be able to make my own plans.
Honestly, I was very concerned about my work in the event if I needed prolonged bed rest to arrest the constant bleeding. With a weak embryo, there was possibility of bed rest for the whole 1st trimester and at the back of my head, this would be a huge problem. I was also worried if the baby may also develop health problems. So having that burden off my shoulders really did add a spring to my walk. Possibly too much walking and shopping that afternoon resulted in an avalanche of strawberry jam. It totally overflowed a brand new sanitary napkin. The strawberry monster gave its finale burst of power. I was more embarrassed by the outflow and didn't have time to grieve or think too much into this.
No comments:
Post a Comment